My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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