its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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