Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
