that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
