I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
