i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize