Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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