They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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