I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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