i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
