mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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