All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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