I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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