When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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