why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
