Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
