my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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