mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
