Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
