nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
