there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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