I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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