just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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