I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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