i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
