no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
