Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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