I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
