i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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