Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
