You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
