i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
