you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
