Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just had sex bonerless
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
