My cat gives me a boner
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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