How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
