can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
