I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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