So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
