I'm really into asian looking animals
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
