so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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