The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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