first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
