we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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