Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
