he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
