You can't motorboat a personality
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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