Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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