Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
