I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
