I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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