Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Terrible idea I love it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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