hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
