Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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