we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
whose parrot is this?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
