I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
