I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
