people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
