I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
