her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
