I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
