GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pooping to opera.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
