my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
