Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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