I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
