You made me cry and you don't even care
Buhtt sex?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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