We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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