i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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