im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
