Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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