Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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